My Truth

I've been thinking a lot lately about why I have struggled so much in the past with blogging.  I mean I love reading others' blogs.  It's how I start my day pretty much every day along with a cup of steaming coffee.

So why do I struggle so much with expressing my own voice in my blog and knowing what to write about?  

That's been the big question.

I used to think it was because I'm a perfectionist and would stress over tiny details and get overwhelmed and just throw in the towel before hitting publish.

But lately I've been wrestling with a deeper truth that has been emerging from within.  I've always thought that I was an open, transparent person.  Someone who desires to get below the surface and share my heart rather than discuss superficial subjects.  But lately I've begun to question that about myself.  If I was truly transparent then why are there topics that I avoid approaching here in this space? The big fat ugly truth is that I'm scared of what other's will think.

I'm terrified of what people would think of me if I was really raw and laid bare here in this blogosphere.

Would they judge me?

Would they run from me?

Would they pity me?

Would what I share just be too much for people?

All of these fears have hindered me from really making this blog of mine my own.

The crazy truth is that what draws me into other blogs and pushes me to add them to my reading list are the voices of others who are willing to humble themselves and enter into the hard places of their lives and share honestly about their struggles.  Those are the blogs that offer me hope.  Those are the blogs that allow me the space to breathe here in my own life.  They free me up to know that someone else is out there thinking and feeling the same things I do.

But I would've never had that encouragement if they too had allowed their fears to hold them back from sharing.

One of my favorite authors & bloggers is Ann Voskamp.  She addressed all of this on her blog recently saying,

"The lines of our stories become literal life-lines that we throw to each other when the storms come and beat hard on our lives."

She talked about how we need each other's messy stories. Our messy stories can serve as the healing salve that our wounded hearts desperately need. And not just the reader's wounded heart but also for the writer's wounded heart. It is a healing salve for us both.

My mess has kept me from this blog because I haven't known how to share it in a way that sounds pretty and lighthearted. For some reason I had the misconception that that's what people want when they read, stories that are lighthearted and easy to read. But honestly that's not why I read blogs. I read them to connect with others' struggles. I read them for hope that I am not alone on my weary days.

So I'm back. I'm here to share my truth and to face my fears and to offer myself to you. I'm here to write my story. I'm here to finally be honest and real. I hope that as I fight to find the words to express my heart that in some way I might offer life-lines to all of you.