What I'm Listening To

Happy Election Day!  

Here's something to listen to while you wait in line at the polls today.  This week's installment of "What I'm Listening To" is an album I have found myself listening to all the time.  

"Red" by Taylor Swift

Caroline and I are huge Taylor Swift fans and her newest album does not disappoint.  

It's hard for me to pick a favorite track so today enjoy this one.

Don't be surprised if you find yourself singing it while you're cooking dinner, and while you're doing laundry, and working in the yard. . . or maybe that's just me. :)

The Daily Battle

I blew out a long, loud breath and he immediately asked me what was on my mind.  It was only the beginning of the day and I could already tell that my heart was struggling to have a good attitude.  Frustrations filled my mind but I didn’t want to admit that the blowing out of breath was an outward expression of what was going on inside of me.  

We dropped little one off at school and then it started as we were leaving the parking lot.  “The brakes are acting funny,” he commented.   Then it happened again at the drive-thru as we were grabbing his breakfast.   “It feels like the brakes are about to fall off.”  And all I could think was “Great!  Why does this always happen to us?!  Why today?”

He begins to tick off out loud the possibilities.  And I began to tick off in my mind all the tasks I had hoped to accomplish during my morning while little one was at school.  Vacuum and mop our dirty floors.  Complete my overdue workout.  Take a much -needed shower.  But I knew none of that was going to get done.  

As my temperature started rising and my heart started beating faster I began to frantically text a friend to see if she could help me with picking up little one from school.  Because that’s what happens when you are a one-car household.  When that one car breaks down all the dominos start to fall.  

In the midst of my bad attitude and rising blood pressure, I hear him begin to pray in the car.  Asking the Lord to allow the car issues to not be severe, requesting that He would provide for our needs, handing over the burden to the One who offers to carry our loads.  

I begin to feel my heart ache to speak my requests also.  I bow my head and begin to silently pour out my cries for help too.  

And as the morning continues to unfold He provides.

The friend texts back and selflessly chauffeurs me all over town.  

The car is repaired at no cost to us.

And even though it all worked out I am reminded of what my response needs to be every time, in every circumstance.

“Rejoice always, pray without ceasing,

give thanks in all circumstances; for

this is the will of God in Christ Jesus for 

you.” 1 Thessalonians 5:16-18

This is what I am daily battling to grasp hold of.  

Rejoice always

Pray without ceasing

Give thanks in ALL circumstances

This is the will of God for you.

Trick or Treat

As we recover from our candy binge yesterday I wanted to share about our Halloween.  This year we invited our friends the Jones family to join us trick or treating.  

Caroline was a friendly bumble bee and Liam was 

Sheriff Woody from Toy Story.  

Cutest duo on the streets in my opinion!

After a few houses they hit their rhythm and one would ring the doorbell and the other would knock.  All bases covered!

Liam enjoyed meeting our neighbors so much that he wanted to stay awhile and visit with each house.  

Caroline even gave away candy by slipping some of her chocolate into Liam's bucket.  She doesn't take after her Momma.  I'm pretty possessive of my sweets. :)

We had a lot of fun!

Happy Halloween!

In the Kitchen

   I love to cook.  I love reading food magazines and watching cooking shows.  It really is a way that I love on my family and friends and open up our home to love on others.  I especially love trying new recipes and man did I find a keeper the other day.  I knew I had to share it on the blog.  

Pecan-Crusted Pork with Orange-Maple Glaze
From Better Homes & Gardens


ingredients    1 pork tenderloin (about 1 1/2 lb.)    1/2 tsp salt    1/4 tsp ground black pepper    4 tbsp pure maple syrup    1 cup pecans, finely chopped    2 tbsp vegetable oil    1/2 cup orange juice    1/4 tsp ground cumin    1/4 tsp cayenne pepper
directions    1.  Trim pork, then cut in 1/2-inch slices.  Season with salt & pepper.

    

    2.  Place 3 tbsp syrup in dish; place pecans in second dish.  In 12-inch skillet heat oil over medium heat.  Coat pork in syrup, then press in pecans.  Place pork in skillet in single layer; top with remaining pecans and syrup (I had no remaining) from dish.  Cook 5 minutes each side, until pork is no longer pink.  Remove from skillet.  Remove pecans from skillet.

   

   3.  Combine orange juice, remaining 1 tbsp syrup, cumin and cayenne and pour into skillet.  Cook, uncovered, 1-2 minutes until slightly thickened.  Pour over pork.

I served it with roasted green beans and roasted sweet potatoes.  It was delish!   Do yourself a favor and make this tonight! So yum!

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What I'm Listening To

Music is a big part of how I process life.  I love lots of different genres of music.  I thought it would be fun to include on the blog what I'm currently listening to at home, in the car, while I work out, etc.  I knew the first album I had to include would be "Babel" by Mumford & Sons.

My favorite track from the album is "Not With Haste."

Not With Haste

Your eyes they tie

Me down so hard

I'll never learn to put up a guard

So keep my love

My candle bright

Learn me hard, oh learn me right

This ain't no sham

I am what I am

Though I may speak

Some tongue of old

Or even spit out some holy word

I have no strength

From which to speak

When you sit me down, and see I'm weak

We will run and scream

You will dance with me

They'll fulfill our dreams

And we'll be free

And we will be who we are

And they'll heal our scars

Sadness will be far away

So as we walked

Of fields of green

As the fiarest sun I'd ever seen

And I was broke

I was on my knees

But you said yes as I said please

This ain't no sham

I am what I am

I leave no ties

For a cynics mind

We will run and scream

You will dance with me

They'll fulfill our dreams

And we'll be free

And we will be who we are

And they'll heal our scars

Sadness will be far away

Do not let my fickle flesh go to waste

As it keeps my heart and soul in it's place

And I will love with urgency but not with haste

Here they are performing it at the iTunes Festival.  

Enjoy!  I'd love to know what you're listening to!

My Truth

I've been thinking a lot lately about why I have struggled so much in the past with blogging.  I mean I love reading others' blogs.  It's how I start my day pretty much every day along with a cup of steaming coffee.

So why do I struggle so much with expressing my own voice in my blog and knowing what to write about?  

That's been the big question.

I used to think it was because I'm a perfectionist and would stress over tiny details and get overwhelmed and just throw in the towel before hitting publish.

But lately I've been wrestling with a deeper truth that has been emerging from within.  I've always thought that I was an open, transparent person.  Someone who desires to get below the surface and share my heart rather than discuss superficial subjects.  But lately I've begun to question that about myself.  If I was truly transparent then why are there topics that I avoid approaching here in this space? The big fat ugly truth is that I'm scared of what other's will think.

I'm terrified of what people would think of me if I was really raw and laid bare here in this blogosphere.

Would they judge me?

Would they run from me?

Would they pity me?

Would what I share just be too much for people?

All of these fears have hindered me from really making this blog of mine my own.

The crazy truth is that what draws me into other blogs and pushes me to add them to my reading list are the voices of others who are willing to humble themselves and enter into the hard places of their lives and share honestly about their struggles.  Those are the blogs that offer me hope.  Those are the blogs that allow me the space to breathe here in my own life.  They free me up to know that someone else is out there thinking and feeling the same things I do.

But I would've never had that encouragement if they too had allowed their fears to hold them back from sharing.

One of my favorite authors & bloggers is Ann Voskamp.  She addressed all of this on her blog recently saying,

"The lines of our stories become literal life-lines that we throw to each other when the storms come and beat hard on our lives."

She talked about how we need each other's messy stories. Our messy stories can serve as the healing salve that our wounded hearts desperately need. And not just the reader's wounded heart but also for the writer's wounded heart. It is a healing salve for us both.

My mess has kept me from this blog because I haven't known how to share it in a way that sounds pretty and lighthearted. For some reason I had the misconception that that's what people want when they read, stories that are lighthearted and easy to read. But honestly that's not why I read blogs. I read them to connect with others' struggles. I read them for hope that I am not alone on my weary days.

So I'm back. I'm here to share my truth and to face my fears and to offer myself to you. I'm here to write my story. I'm here to finally be honest and real. I hope that as I fight to find the words to express my heart that in some way I might offer life-lines to all of you.

One Who Understands

I shared in my last post about the great loss I have been dealing with the past few months.  The struggle to move forward and live.  One of the greatest battles I have faced in the death of my father has been the isolation the pain of loss has caused me to feel. 

“Nobody gets it.”

“They haven’t been in my shoes.”

“They haven’t been here.  They don’t know how it feels.”

When we are going through something very difficult it is easy to think no one else understands or can identify with our pain.  As I have been living through my own pain recently, God has opened my eyes to see how naively unaware I have been to the depth of pain others around me have gone through.  Until now I did not recognize my own blindness.  This life is one filled with pain.  Christ never promised us a life of ease and comfort.  I have witnessed family members selflessly and tirelessly care for loved ones who are living through debilitating disease, other family members themselves daily battling chronic pain, and friends who month after month face the heart wrenching struggle of infertility.  We all individually have lives filled with pain that we are living through in some form or another. 

For myself I have so desperately desired for others to be willing to enter into my pain with me and hold my hand on this road.  It is so easy to become embittered and angry and point the finger at where others fail.  But I have realized that I have failed. 

I have failed to reach out to others experiencing their walk of pain. 

I have failed to move outside of my comfort zone to offer comfort to others.

I am learning every day to stop expecting people to “get it”.  To stop wanting people to fully understand what I am feeling.  I have realized that it is impossible for me to fully grasp the full realm of pain that those around me are facing, because I have not walked in their shoes.  I don’t have to fully understand them and they don’t have to fully understand me in order for us to reach our hands of love out to each to other and walk these roads of life side by side.  I just have to be willing to enter in, to be ok feeling awkward and unsure of what to say.  It is enough to be a warm hand to hold or shoulder to lean on.  We are called to bear these burdens of life together.

I have also learned through this time of grieving that there is One who understands.  In the Garden of Gethsemane we see that Jesus has faced great sorrow as well.  He understands when we feel like sorrow is pressing the life out of us.  He understands the words I cannot utter because of the lump in my throat.  He understands the unexpected tears that flow.  He understands that sick feeling in my stomach and the inability to sleep at night. 

He understands.

In her book One Thousand Gifts, Ann Voskamp speaks words of life to me.

“Only the Word is the answer to rightly reading the world, because The Word has nail-scarred hands that cup our face close, wipe away the tears running down, has eyes to look deep into our brimming ache, and whisper, ‘I know.  I know.'”

Dear one, I just want to remind all of us that even when we feel like no one gets what we are going through.  That no one could possibly understand our pain.  There is One who understands and walks with us.  He knows.  He gets it.